If in the past, you’ve asked people to describe their perfect partner and you hear things like, “Oh…must be intelligent, witty and smart” or “must be able to sprout philosophy, talk politics, health and society in the same breath. People who sound intelligent basically”, then this post is for you. How many times in the recent past have you heard this description? And just when you’re thinking, “is half the world that intelligent”, someone decides to give it a definition: Sapiosexual.
The first time I heard this word, my first thought was, what the heck does that even mean? That was closely followed by “there goes another fancy word that people will soon start describing themselves with”. Just like I predicted, the word sapiosexual began to surface on profiles and bios. Hello Twitterville.
Okay, let’s attempt to describe what sapiosexual really means and maybe I’d get around to what my problem is with this term. Sapiosexual, according to the Urban Dictionary is used to describe “one who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature” while sapiosexuality is described as “to become attracted to or sexually aroused by intelligence and its use”. The crux here is that sapiosexuals find intelligence sexually attractive. As an aside, this word isn’t in any of those “serious dictionaries” yet but it could find its way into them at this rate.
Here are my thoughts. I’m sure we know intelligence itself is not so clear cut. For example, say I meet a guy who claims to not be intelligent but who is street smart. That’s also intelligence, isn’t it? I mean I believe anyone who can survive and make it on the streets must be super intelligent because the people one would be dealing or have dealt with are people who know the tricks of different trades. This person may not be able to go from Freud to Kant to Molecular energy in one breath but hey, he could probably tell you how to get the best deals in anything and everything.
Also, look at it this way. We may all claim sapiosexuality from now till forever but there’s 70 percent chance that what I consider intelligent may be stupid to you. So technically, that means every time I say “I’m sapiosexual”, I have to go ahead to define the brand of intelligence that appeals to me. Now that’s us shooting ourselves in the leg, isn’t it?
Okay, consider this too. Smart people like hanging around smart people. Unsmart and smart people say they are sexually attracted to intelligence but I’d bet my salary that if put everyone in a room with intelligent people, most will be bored out of their minds because smart people believe everyone understands what they’re talking about. So terms and fancy words get thrown around which will be unclear to most people. Unsmart people will feel left out or stupid, few smart people will understand the drift of the conversation. Other smart people will be busy checking out hot bodies of unsmart and smart people. So the circle goes; smart people get bored by unsmart people. Unsmart people get bored by smart people. Some smart people get bored by other smart people. There’s a lot of boredom going around. Are we all still claiming “Sapiosexual”?
Let’s step away from all the intelligent attraction we claim. We say we’re sapiosexual yet how many of us are sexually attracted to our professors in school? I mean they’re super intelligent, smart and witty right? In fact, how many of us are sexually attracted to the most intelligent boy or girl in class asides the attraction of good grades at the end of the semester that draws us to them? Okay, let’s even say you’re attracted to them sexually, ask yourself, would you be sexually attracted to them if they were the size of a Sumo fighter or if they didn’t have some of the physical attributes that are attractive to you? Let’s use a typical example; say you meet a guy on Twitter. You get talking, he’s witty, great with words- puns and innuendos inclusive-, could go from Einstein to Basketmouth in three minutes. In fact, great guy! Then you both agree to meet in person and on getting there, you find that he’s uncool, got acne, is totally unkempt, looks raunchy or generally doesn’t fit into the profile you have in your head. There’s every possibility that’d be last time you’d ever talk or meet with that guy.
As much as I understand that intelligence is not the only thing we consider in making friends or in dating, we should also be careful with how we swing and wave the flag of our sapiosexuality because sapiosexuality has sexual attraction in it somewhere. So unless you wouldn’t mind ‘doing’ an intelligent Sumo wrestler just because he is intelligent, you are not sapiosexual.
So, are you still sapiosexual?